To Whom It May Concern,
When I saw the job posting for a writing position at Team Lunch, I about jumped out of my chair! Nothing could make me happier in this sorry excuse for an existence- nothing would give me more repose from the constant onslaught that is human consciousness, than to write for your near-readerless, lunch-themed publication. So if you will, give me a chance to explain why I think I am the perfect fit for the Team Lunch team - I promise I won’t disappoint.
The Oxford English Dictionary defines “lunch” as follows:
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Pretty cool! If there’s anything I’ve learned from consuming countless hours of Team Lunch content, it’s that lunch defies description. It’s a prismatic, fickle tart of a muse, whose loyalties change with the wind and who refuses to be pinned down or put into a category like “meals”. As a soon-to-be high school graduate, so many people ask me, “What do you want to do with your life?” “You could do anything!” they say, “You could be an AirBnb host or an Uber driver or even start your own blockchain company. And those are your three options!” And in those times I just look at them, my eyes misty, my heart welling up with all the mistakes I haven’t made yet, and I say “ I want to get some lunch”.
See, growing up I was that kid - you know the one! Team Lunch poster in his bedroom, wardrobe consisting entirely of Team Lunch graphic tees. On any given day you might find me with my headphones on, listening to the Team Lunch podcast while the other kids were “developing social skills”. But yeah, that’s who I am- gotta own it! I march to the beat of my own lunch.
I love Team Lunch. More than my parents, my dumb girlfriend, and my cat (I can totally break up with my girlfriend if you need me to but the cat stays). But if you hire me, you won’t just get an empty sycophant, no sir! Like old Bobby D says in the song, “The lunch, they are a changin!” Ha-ha! That’s right Captain I have some ideas on how to make Team Lunch even better. One idea- what if the whole team lunch staff got together every other Thursday and ate a meal together in the middle of the day; kind of a camaraderie thing, you know? These are the kind of golden nuggets you would get on the daily if you hired me. And to save you the trouble, yes, I can run the social media pages.
Looking forward to hearing from you soon! My availability is wide 0pen as I have just graduated from high school and live in suburban Ohio. I hope this position is remote-friendly.
This letter reproduced with permission from the Team Lunch Historical Society (TLHS) for educational and historical purposes.